I have always had it in the back of my mind that I would really enjoy being a freelance artist. Ever since I took a couple of illustration courses in college I decided that illustration was my true love. I studied architecture and design ever since I was 14 and joined the architecture club at my high school my freshmen year. I eventually became the president of the Architecture Club and I even was admitted into the Architecture program at UWM, where I eventually ended up going to college. Once there I decided that as much as I loved design, I didn’t love houses, buildings, and spaces the same way that my fellow classmates did. So I switched my major and eventually landed in the Peck School of the Arts where I graduated with a BA in Design. I really loved my coursework and I remember the number of times I had déjà vu and how I had this sense that I really was where I belonged. If you’ve ever heard of the book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi it explains profoundly how I felt throughout the remainder of my college experience.
When I graduated in 2015 I was 22 years old and I wanted to explore and to experience life, people, and places. The thought of sitting in an office seemed painful and depressing so I found myself a job at a dude ranch in Colorado in one of the remotest possible areas. We had no cell service the entire summer which was pretty rare to see in 2015 and we could only access internet if we were up at the lodge where the guests would come to stay for the summer. We used real landlines to call our families and friends and it was definitely easy to disappear into the mountains and the nature that Colorado had to offer us. It taught me a lot about being present and everyone grew surprisingly close by the end of the summer. I still talk to some of those people to this day. It was a beautiful and scary place where you could feel how small you were compared to nature. I could never regret having that experience and I still long for more just like it.
So after that I went to New Mexico and volunteered at a wolf sanctuary because I had always wanted to see wolves up close and in person. They are beautiful and terrifying animals, as are the tarantulas, rattlesnakes, and other wildlife that New Mexico has to offer. I soon decided that I did not understand wolves and even had a healthy fear for them. I longed to work with horses, which I had dreamt about since being a small child. So I found myself back in Chicago, working full-time as a groom and riding instructor for a horse barn for close to 3 years. I think it was around this time that I started to lose focus and I didn’t care what I did as long as it brought in a paycheck and it made me happy.
A few jobs later and I have finally decided that my ultimate goal is to become a full-time freelance illustrator. For the past year or so I have started to genuinely put effort into this goal. I asked for illustration books such as Becoming a Successful Illustrator by Derek Brazell and Jo Davies, How to Be an Illustrator by Darrel Rees, and Champagne and Wax Crayons by Ben Tallon. I started to draw every day and set myself a goal to try to post my artwork every day on Instagram. I haven’t posted every day, but it has taught my a lot about trying to keep creating new work and continuously promoting it. I work full-time right now at a 9-5 that allows me a great deal of freedom in furthering my art. I truly doubt I could find another job that would pay me what I get paid to basically show up and brainstorm or doodle ideas to work on later. Despite that freedom, I am longing for that feeling of Flow. I miss the terrifying beauty of this world and I long to be my own boss and to spend my days with my dogs and my cat while working on my art.
I think the most profound realization on my journey was realizing that I AM an illustrator. It’s very hard in this profession to believe you can make it and to believe that your art is good enough. But the first step is recognizing your worth and becoming confident in it. I think the confidence grows with time and experience, with more artwork and an ever-improving portfolio. First things first, realize that you already ARE who you want to be. When you start believing in yourself you will begin acting in a way that will open doors and allow you to experience the dreams that you thought were out of reach.
