Lately I’ve been taking a step back from trying to find work as an illustrator so that I can improve my portfolio.. As an artist, making a living is challenging in an entirely different way. We create art because we love to create, we NEED to create. However, we also need to eat, clothe ourselves, and keep a roof over our heads. And yet, we are not always appreciated monetarily for the work that we create. I myself have fallen victim to this more times than I can count and yet every time I try to tell myself that next time I will ask for a deposit up front, I will more clearly define the number of revisions, I will have a contract before I begin creating work. I have learned ways to protect myself every time I have been taken advantage of by someone who believes that my time, my education, and my skills are something that comes free of charge. And every time something like this happens, us artists are left feeling as if WE didn’t do enough to protect ourselves, as if our art or our skills are not “worth” much anyways, or that we need to “practice” or “build a reputation” before we deserve to get compensated for the work that we do.
I create illustrations because I love to create, because for as long as I can remember there has always been something that nags at me until I pull out a pen and paper (or recently a drawing tablet and computer) and make something beautiful. And despite the time and money that I have put into learning my craft, into continuing to learn and improve my skills, into paying off student loans, I still find it hard to dive into illustration full-time as a career. Don’t get me wrong, I have a beautiful house and 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a gecko and I ride horses regularly because that is my other love. And all these responsibilities means that I can’t just pick up and leave a full-time job that supports me when my art this month, may not. However, that stability is also a way to not have to face the fear of diving 100% into a career that has not always, as I’ve said, been monetarily rewarded.
So despite being sick for the past two weeks with what truly felt like covid (although I tested negative 3 times), I decided to take a step back from focusing so hard on trying to monetize my illustrations so that I can leave my current job. I realized that I was causing myself unneeded stress and anxiety that was causing me to look at my art simply as a means to an end. And by so doing, I stopped creating illustrations that I enjoy creating. I believe that artists should get paid more fairly and I will continue to work towards that goal. However, in recognition of my current situation, I have decided to use this time and this opportunity in a way that allows me to choose only the illustration jobs that bring me joy and to only accept them for fair pay. In this way, I hope that people looking to commission artwork will gradually learn what fair pay for artwork truly looks like. And maybe one day, without thinking about it, I will have the opportunity to leave my 9-5 job behind me in pursuit of a full-time career in illustration. Until that time, I will continue to work on my portfolio.
